Then again, if you aren't of an age that gets the joke, you probably won't empathize with my post today, either. Well, you're time will come. Unfortunately, it does for us all.
As of my birthday in March, I am 29 years old. That means that every day, I am getting closer to my 30th birthday. The thought is beginning to disturb me. Not because I believe that 30 is such an old age, but more that I have always believed that I should be so much more than I am, and have accomplished so much more in my life than I have by this age.
I mean, I have no accomplishments of my own to boast over. No car, no house, no career. Living at home with my mom. (now, well, I'm not one of those that has never left the nest, I can't guarantee, after my last experience, that I will ever be ready to do that any time soon.)
I guess this was really pointed up last Friday when I went with my uncle to the opera. Now, we had gone to see Cavelleria Rusticana & Pagliacci, a double bill, because Pagliacci was the first opera that I saw in my life. And the last time the Manitoba Opera Association had performed it was 20 years ago. Wait, 20 years? I was old enough to go to the opera 20 years ago?
Then, I open up my program to find that a girl that I went to college with has the Assistant Stage Manager position. Everyone always liked me as stage manager so much more than her, and yet, she's getting work.
Whereas I am doing absolutely nothing with my degree.
I guess I'm just feeling maudlin this week. And I was just talking with my brother Animal, and he pointed out that I'm getting as bad about blogging as him. So, you get a post, even if I'm not in the best of mindframes.
I'm approaching 30, feeling bad about my life, and shying away from family gatherings because I'm tired of hearing the question "have you got a boyfriend?"
No, I don't. I've never had one. I feel bad about it every time someone brings it up. It seriously isn't for lack of trying, either. Or, for lack of falling in love with people that constantly remind me that they could give a shit about me because I just don't measure up to the grand ideal of womanhood or whatever.
I'm resigned to being one of those people that are always alone. I've never had a relationship, and I'm damn sure people don't get to start the dating game at 30, so I'm accepting of the fact that I missed the boat. So, I'm trying to be happy about myself.
That's been a tough row to hoe lately as well, actually. I'm trying to lose weight, and some of my friends are acting like it's a crime against nature or something. One of my friends even went so far as to tell me not to bother, because, no matter how much I starved, no matter how much weight I'd lost, I'd never look like the supermodel girl that is the beauty of our group.
Well, thanks a lot! But that statement made me realize something very important about myself. I don't want to look like this other girl. I like the way I look. I have grey eyes. Does anyone even know anyone with grey eyes? That's pretty unusual, and I wouldn't change that to have the average color eyes of said beauty. Not only are they an unusual color, but they actually change shades according to what I wear.
And I have eyelashes that never need to come near mascara. Or an eyelash curler, for that matter. And speaking of curls, I have the most wild head of curly hair. Strangers will tell me how beautiful it is. Why would I want to change all this unusualness to be an average beauty.
I don't want to look like her. Get that? I want to look like me, just a little littler me. Why is that so wrong? And am I really that unattractive to my friends that it wouldn't matter if I was skinny?
How about supporting me because it's something that would make me happy? Is that too much to ask? I've been trying to lose some weight, (ok, a lot of weight) for the last 15 years of my life. Now that it's working, slowly, but surely, why would you tell me not to bother?
That I'm not meant to be thin?
Well, okay, that's way more than enough sad crap for today. I know you all didn't want to hear it, but I felt that, as this is my webjournal, if I have something to get off of my chest, something that I find infinitely easier to put into writing than to say aloud, I'm going to do just that. Freedom of speech and all of that!!
Random thoughts (and they are going to be by Jack Handy, just cause I say so!
Animal's in Regina, but can't seem to update his blog. I thought Regina was boring!! What's up with that??
Van Helsing on Friday. I'm worried I'm going to be disappointed.
Keycon in two weeks. Also worried that I'm going to be disappointed. Last year is a lot to live up to!
Welcome my buddy Scruffy to the blogging collective. His blog was, of course, designed by Coffequeen. Go and teach him what tagging is all about!
TheStormCellar was here weekend before last, and we had a blast!! I'll let her tell you about it though, so go check her blog. Oh, she forgot to mention that she met the Aragornalike, though!
Speaking of Matt, I'm outtie to hang with him tonight, so catch you all on the flip side. Thanks for listening.
Posted by Arieanna at 5:59 PM
